Alright...
Current mood: disappointed
Category: Friends
Like La Lopez before me I have had ENOUGH!!!!
I have often told my friends and lovers that because of a youth spent trailing behind my mother in her nomadic wanderings I have been left with little to no tolerance for prolonged relationships of any kind. I am awkward in them, to say the least. At times this has become the cause of many dramatics between me and my friends. I think for and about myself and act out of selfishness. This has ALSO been the cause of many dramatics between me and my friends. I have tried to learn how to be a responsible friend for many years, and despite all that I am still human and destined to fuck up sometimes. Many times.
I am angry right now. And I take full responsibility for my complete past, forgotten, unknown, horribly remembered and everything besides. But when I try to erase all of the stupid, convoluted dramatics and do something real, something separate from my past, someone must remind me of it. And so I think, "Alright: you've got me pegged, motherfucker. I AM Satan and you just figured out all the prophecies were TRUE!"
Sometimes I feel so much that I don't know what I'm doing and to try and contain myself seems Herculean. I end up exploding. And then I end up regretful.
I don't care anymore. Right now I feel like my best efforts continue to hand me right back into the arms of my past mistakes. SO the only thing I can think to do is explode here, very visibly, and then implode ever so gently and lick my self-imposed wounds.
This sounds very dramatic, and so I guess I come back to myself again. And lots of people may be foolish enough to buy what I'm selling and think that nothin makes me happier than to be this trumped-up character I've created, all frantic happiness, innocence, tattoos, wisdom, venom and madness.....
But believe me, if I could be anyone other than myself, don't you think I would be?
Fuck. Even I don't know the answer to that one.
Category: Friends
Like La Lopez before me I have had ENOUGH!!!!
I have often told my friends and lovers that because of a youth spent trailing behind my mother in her nomadic wanderings I have been left with little to no tolerance for prolonged relationships of any kind. I am awkward in them, to say the least. At times this has become the cause of many dramatics between me and my friends. I think for and about myself and act out of selfishness. This has ALSO been the cause of many dramatics between me and my friends. I have tried to learn how to be a responsible friend for many years, and despite all that I am still human and destined to fuck up sometimes. Many times.
I am angry right now. And I take full responsibility for my complete past, forgotten, unknown, horribly remembered and everything besides. But when I try to erase all of the stupid, convoluted dramatics and do something real, something separate from my past, someone must remind me of it. And so I think, "Alright: you've got me pegged, motherfucker. I AM Satan and you just figured out all the prophecies were TRUE!"
Sometimes I feel so much that I don't know what I'm doing and to try and contain myself seems Herculean. I end up exploding. And then I end up regretful.
I don't care anymore. Right now I feel like my best efforts continue to hand me right back into the arms of my past mistakes. SO the only thing I can think to do is explode here, very visibly, and then implode ever so gently and lick my self-imposed wounds.
This sounds very dramatic, and so I guess I come back to myself again. And lots of people may be foolish enough to buy what I'm selling and think that nothin makes me happier than to be this trumped-up character I've created, all frantic happiness, innocence, tattoos, wisdom, venom and madness.....
But believe me, if I could be anyone other than myself, don't you think I would be?
Fuck. Even I don't know the answer to that one.
posted by the strange at
1:06 PM
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